Your kids would like a cat. Especially your girl kids. They've told you that how many times. But you don't want to. What use is a cat, you think. But cats are great for building character, like suffering is.
There's lots of great reasons to get a cat. Here's 10 just to start with.
1. Cats help to get all that nasty, stuck on varnish off the legs of your furniture. It looked disgusting anyway, all yucky and brown. Bare wood is more natural, and splinters give it that rustic, homely look.
2. Cats protect your comfy chairs and couches by covering them with a thick layer of hair, and sometimes sticks, dust and small stones. This also gets to protect your gucchi pants, when it all sticks to them when you sit there. This is great, as it protects your fabrics from acid rain, nuclear radiation and the suns Xenta rays.
3. Cats prevent you from sleeping too much, by singing outside your window, or in your room, when they reckon you have overslept. This could be at 2am, but cats know best.
4. Cats help to keep a whole industry of cat food manufactures going. They use your money to do this. Doesn't this make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside!! Of course it does Dad!
5. Cats keep dogs fit. If it wasn't for cats, dogs would be fat, lazy bums with no recreational outlet. It also helps them to develop endurance barking talents.
6. Cats are a good gauge of how much frustration you can endure. When you can't get them off the roof just before going to a school parents evening, you really get to know yourself.
7. Cats teach you about nature. What kind of parasites drink blood, what the contents of an animal stomach look like on a clean carpet, what a dead rat looks like, and the makeup of hairballs. Fascinating stuff.
8. Cats help you to get to know your neighbours. Happy hours are spent shouting over the fence about the cat being in the neighbours house, shredding his curtains, terrifying his Pug dog and pleasantries like this.
9. Cats get rid of left overs, like the roast you took out to defrost, the fish you caught and were filleting when the phone rang, and the steak you had on the barbeque.
10. Cats keep you humble, by totally ignoring you when you call them, walking over you when you're sleeping and generally treating you like dirt.
Well, maybe these reasons are a bit thin, but cats are still good to have around. Watching them curl up and sleep in almost any place imaginable is quite an education. "How to Relax 101."
You have to admit, life would be a little boring without a cat in your life!
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